Jihadists rewarded with 72 Richard Bransons


Jihadists in the afterlife have been left red faced after an administrative error left them with 72 Richard Bransons to have as their personal sexual playthings.

One recently passed Jihadist told us “I must admit, I thought I was going to receive the attentions of 72 young inexperienced ladies as opposed to 72 bearded sixty something men who chair the Virgin group of companies. I guess these scriptures must be subject to interpretation and it was my fault for taking them too literally”

Another told us the concept of sleeping with 72 Richard Bransons either concurrently or simultaneously was quite intimidating.

“I’m worried I’m going to get stage fright and look stupid. At least with real virgins, you know that they’re not comparing you with their former partners. But that Branson must have been around the block a few times and despite his friendly smile, he’s probably giving you marks out of ten in his head. Having said that, in for a penny eh? I bet he’s picked up a trick or two in his time, and I doubt it’s going to be an early night!”

Richard Branson himself  told us that he was not altogether surprised by the recent turn of events.

“Obviously I can’t speak for the other 71 Richard Bransons, but personally I’m up for it like a whippet up a drainpipe.” He explained.

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