Eastenders films its final episode


The cast and crew of BBC1 soap opera Eastenders are remaining tight lipped tonight as filming ended for the final ever episode. The plot, which staff are contractually obliged not to reveal, sees the ending of a series that will have spanned 30 years by the time it is seen on television towards the end of April.

One BBC source told us that he felt the soap would be sadly missed, but not for very long.

“It’s a lovely heart warming homage to the rich and varied culture of London’s east end. It’s also absolute bollocks. In real life no bugger would know each other and the pub would have gone bust.”

The ending of the show is also thought to be a result of an EU directive that has demanded more Euro-soap operas, spoken in languages other than English.

“We can’t just have everyone speaking English all the time as that would be racist. So some might be speaking Finnish, others Portuguese. There won’t be any subtitles as that would not leave any incentive to learn these languages.”

Nigel Farage has warned that a future full or partial UKIP Government would seek to reverse any move towards Euro-soap operas and would restart Eastenders immediately, bringing back all the original characters such as Pete Beale, Arthur Fowler and Wilmott-Brown.

“It’s not French-enders and Johnny Foreigner can keep his filthy mitts off our pie and mash” he explained.

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