No foreigners to vote in referendum on multiculturalism

Foreigners are to be excluded from the forthcoming referendum on whether the United Kingdom wishes to remain part of Europe, which might result in more of that multiculturalism, according to David Cameron this morning.

“We can’t have someone who is European born and has been working here and paying taxes for twenty years casting votes willy nilly. They may have seen the benefits of a free two way labour market and that could make them biased. So we need to rely on people with no foreign blood or ancestry who preferably haven’t travelled very much to make these life changing decisions for us.” He explained.

Indeed one Margate resident told us that she wanted to keep Britain extra Britishy and that could only be done by restricting the vote to Britishy Britons.

“They’d all just want everything and everyone to be foreign. They come over here with their foreign ways wanting to hang out with other foreigners. They love foreign things. That’s why they’re over here because bizarre as it may seem their own country isn’t actually foreign to them so by coming over here they can be even more foreign. Or something. They’re thick as thieves these foreigners”

Indeed the EU referendum will only be open to people who can produce family photos from at least three generations back. All photos will then be systematically checked for any sign of turbans, fez hats or sombreros before voting is permitted.

Sole UKIP MP Douglas Carswell called the ruling a victory for common sense. “We will not rest until all of Britain is like the Isle of Wight” He told us.