Abu Qatada “I’ll go if Theresa May comes with me”

abu qatada

Abu Qatada has surprised his critics today by agreeing to leave Britain on his own accord.  He has however stipulated that Home Secretary Theresa May must come with him.

In a statement read out by his solicitor this morning the hairy Lothario  explained his decision. “The art of being a good guest is knowing when to leave and the last thing I would ever want is  to outstay my welcome in Britain. However if I’m going back to Jordan, obviously I want to come back with a posh bit of skirt so my mates can see how well I’ve been doing.”

A source close to Mr Qatada told us “We keep trying to tell him that there are plenty more fish in the sea and that Nadine Dorries is up for it like a whippet up a drain pipe. But he’s a one man woman and he only has eyes for Theresa. Much of his hate preaching and inciting terrorism is only really to get her attention. He’s a bit awkward like that really.”

The public have watched the ‘will they won’t they’ mating ritual between the stiletto healed politician and the hairy faced cleric that has continued for longer than the Gold Blend adverts of the 1980s.  Though there is no solid evidence that the two have actually shagged, many people have remarked on striking similarities between the unlikely pair and the pencil drawn characters in ‘The Joy of Sex’.

David Cameron told us “We’ll be sorry to see Theresa go but if it means getting rid of  beardy then it’s a small price to pay”.

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