England beat Monty Don 4-1

monty don

England have proved themselves a force to be reckoned with this evening  having destroyed middle aged celebrity gardener Monty Don with a final score of of 4-1

“I know I lost but I had a lovely time admiring such a well mown lawn so I don’t begrudge the victory.  And you all looked so pleased. Go on. Pretend I’m Germany.”

Wayne Rooney displaying a dashing headband/ alleged toupe combo told us “It was a bit of a nail biter. Monty was looking a bit useful but luckily he only decided to kick the ball twice. Once it went in his goal and the next time ours. Thankfully he spent the rest of the time planning a floral arrangement around the mid field area leaving us time to score three goals ourselves”

Roy Hodgson “We’ll take on any celebrity gardener they want to put up against us. As long as they only put them on one at a time.”

The England manager will have to put his money where his mouth is however as on Tuesday they will need to beat Alan Titchmarsh who lost today to Ukraine, in order to ensure qualification. And Hodgson would be the first to admit that England may not be in for an easy ride.

“The thing about Titchmarsh is he’s always available and he’s comfortable receiving it. And if Titchmarsh hadn’t stopped to plant a few perennials then they might not have got one past him. But it’s the results that count.”

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