Faceless corporations owned by private equity firms have come together as one to warn the public against voting for someone they might like, as opposed to a private sector endorsed, clinical corporate puppet worshipping at the shrine of year on year growth.
A number of multinationals, speaking through the mediums of Tony Blair, Andy Burnham and Liz Kendall, have issued a statement warning that anyone voting for Corbyn would rue the day, be wracked with remorse and indeed gnash their teeth in woe.
“Public services that everyone owns, investment in youth training, reversing austerity. It’s all madness. The labour party will split in two, leaving the public with yet more choice at general elections. They won’t be able to handle it. And on top of that the weather will get shitter straight away. And we’ll probably all end up under the sea.
“If you really think you can govern yourselves by some sort of ‘democracy’, as opposed to being talked at in a measured fashion by one of our puppets, then good luck to you. We really wish you every success. Not really. Like we’d let that happen.
“Life isn’t supposed to be fair. It’s all about survival of the fittest. With some people having a mahoosive head start.”
Non lefty Labour leadership candidate Liz Kendall said “Poor people will continue to suffer unless we can ensure a select few make a lot of money. And then they’ll continue to suffer anyway. Unless we share things about a bit. And that’s not going to happen. It’s a vote loser.”