The Islamic republic of Iran will most likely join the EU later this year according to UKIP leader and prominent BREXIT campaigner Nigel Farage.
“If we let Turkey in we’ll have to let Iran in because of an agreement signed by a German bloke in Belgium. You couldn’t make it up. And we’ll just have to roll over and take it.” Mr Farage explained.
“Britain will then have to replace most of its churches with mosques. And cut sausages from the full English breakfast. And bacon. And eggs. And probably toast as well. We won’t have a choice.” He added.
Justice Secretary and fellow BREXITer Michael Gove warned that unless we leave the EU on Thursday many Iranians might come over to tend their sheep on Britain’s front gardens and be perfectly entitled to under a dictat from Brussels.
“They’ll even be able to come and look at our nuclear weapons, fiddle around with them and even press the launch button if they want. And there’ll be nothing that we can do to stop them.”
Indeed, former work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith urged the electorate to get upset about mass immigration from Iranians and ignore any facts at all costs.
“It’s all very well to have just about every economic and financial think tank, business leader and former Prime Minister backing the remain camp. But who cares about that when you’ve got to put up with a bloke with curly slippers sitting on your doorstep, right outside your front door, charming a cobra and playing the sitar. And if we complain it’s our fault.” he explained.
Iranian president Hassan Rouhani said “We’re all coming over. It’s very exciting.”