“We’re going down the tube and we’re taking you with us” May tells Scotland

Britain is driving off a cliff half-cut and has Scotland locked in the boot, Prime Minister Theresa May has told Scottish Conservatives today.

During a speech to the Scottish Tory conference in Glasgow she said “We’re leaving. But your staying. With us, not them. There is no way that the Scottish people will be permitted to carry on trading freely with other European Countries whilst the rest of Britain is stuck in a clusterfuck of a recession and wallowing in a quagmire of our own isolationism.”

The Prime Minister warned of harsh consequences for the people of Scotland if they voted en masse to leave, meaning that they would in effect be voting to stay and thus defying the will of the people.

“If they choose to remain in Europe then they are defying the will of the people. Not Scottish people. Or people from Wales. Or people from London. Some other people.”

A furious Nicola Sturgeon has called for an immediate referendum. “We can do the Scottish one again or we can do the EU one again. Or we can do a new one. It doesn’t even have to have anything to do with sovereignty or the single market. Or even politics. I just want a referendum. And then another one.” The Scottish First Minister explained.