Conservatives to choose between nearly as bad as Thatcher or slightly worse

Swivel eyed loons at Conservative clubs throughout the country are preparing to choose a new despot, as the choice now appears to be between ‘nearly as mad as Thatcher’ and ‘quite a bit worse’.

Ladbrokes stop taking bets on new Prime Minister being an arse-hat

Ladbrokes have announced that from today they will not be taking any further bets on the new Prime Minister being an arse hat.