Reiki healers urged to help with ebola epidemic

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to help Britain’s best Reiki healers to fly over to West Africa to help with the Ebola virus outbreak.

“We haven’t tried connecting sufferers with their inner wholeness. As far as we can work out the World Health Organisation has no strategy for tackling the virus through intangible energy spheres and is doing nothing to ensure that Chi is flowing between the chakras. And that’s downright irresponsible.” he explained.

Making an impassioned plea to all reiki healers, especially the ones who advertise on facebook and twitter the Premier said:

“You have a moral duty to prove your healing powers. The good news is that despite taking money from their patients, many reiki healers promise to make them richer as well as more healthy. That means that as well as being cured from a life threatening virus, they’re not going to be short of the odd bob or two. I think all reiki practitioners will agree it’s not a time to be farting around in the developed world helping perfectly healthy people find themselves.”

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt hailed the move as a victory for common sense and a perfect opportunity for healers to prove the efficacy of their practice once and for all.”We have a plane waiting  visas sorted and accommodation arranged. All reiki healers have to do is show up with their special healing powers. They haven’t arrived yet though, they must be stuck in traffic.”

One reiki healer we spoke to said “I can’t go sadly as I’m coming down with a bit of a cold. But I wish the others every success.”