Employers say “It’s ok not to go in tomorrow”

Employers have come together to agree an impromptu day off for all workers tomorrow.

A spokesman for the National Union of Bosses told us. “It’s been a lovely day, and people have obviously had a few beers after lunch, so we’re willing to draw a blind eye if people can’t be arsed to come in. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t care about our staff enough to throw in a random day off like this.  Under the new system we’ve agreed that all employers not partaking in the scheme will have phoned employees to let them know they still need to come in. So if you haven’t had a phone call by now, then don’t stop drinking as you’ve more than likely got a day off.”

It’s thought that although not all large companies will be participating fully, those that don’t will have a policy of accepting lamer than usual excuses. One manager told us “We’re not having people just saying they’re not coming in. But a long drawn out story regarding the health of a distant relative that contradicts itself halfway through will be quite acceptable. Similarly people telling us they have a 24 hour bug and forgetting to keep the pretend sore throat going till the end of the conversation will also be fine.”

Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney has warned however that the cost to the economy could be significant and run into high numbers but refused to give us an exact figure.  “Look I’m in the pub myself at the moment and between you and me I doubt I’ll make it in tomorrow”  he told us.