Religious leaders called to account as God’s arse to blame for 90mph winds


Britains religious leaders of all denominations have been called to account for the fact that worsening storm conditions may be caused by Gods arse.

Dr Brian Cox told us “I’m a leading proponent of scientific explanations. But doesn’t take Einstein, or me for that matter, to work out that if we are all created by an immense deity then the chances are every time we experience gale force winds it is due to him chuffing.”

Prime Minister David Cameron was today steadfast that any supernatural flatulence would not be acceptable without some form of compensation or other. “We’re going to have a lot of difficulty calling him in to account himself, what with him being omnipresent and moving in mysterious ways. However, I think a few major religious institutions should be putting their hands in their pockets for new fences and replacement roof tiles. It’s not like they can’t afford it. They may just have to reign in the silly hat budget a bit.”

Insurance companies are expected to refuse many claims of storm damage as they are officially classified as involuntary acts of God. A spokesman from the Association of British Insurers said “Whilst we won’t be paying out any money for this particular storm, we’ll be more than happy to put claimants in touch with their nearest Vicar, Imam or Rabbi who can help them put their garden fence back up.”

The Right Reverend Justin Welby have told the British public not to expect further biblical weather fronts such as a downfall of frogs or locusts citing this as a one off. “He’s not angry with us like when he did that flood. He’s just accidentally let one off. He made the world in 7 days. You have to let him off for the odd absent minded guff.”


  1. Brilliant stuff! Do however remember that the old boy made everything there is in just 6 days after which he felt a tad knackered and took the Sunday off! This would imply that maybe He had a few pints and a vindaloo last evening and now, on the very Sunday the storm is due finds His guts churning just a tad? Plainly in such a condition it comes as no surprise that He has just done a ‘ripper.’ Also, the gnostic Gospel of St. Eric the Matador (Patron Saint of Kick Boxers) doth say, ‘On the 7th day, son of he whose name must only be mentioned in whispers did whisper thus and the sea swelled; the storms cometh; and, for some, the ceilings of dwellings did rise and fall.’

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