Putin warns against sledging in a gay way

vladimir putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin has said homosexuals will be welcome in Sochi for the Winter Olympics but warned them against spreading “gay propaganda” by sledging, skiing or snowboarding in a gay way.

Speaking to a team of volunteers this morning the premier explained “We respect the right of four gay men to climb into a toboggan but they better not look too cosy in there together.

“Similarly gay men are more than welcome to compete in the ski jump, but if they shout ‘I’m Free!’ loudly in the style of John Inman out of ‘Are you being served’ on take off then we’ll have no choice  to arrest them.

“Of course in the slalom skiing we would ask all competitors to try and avoid moving their buttocks from left to right in a way that might entice a certain type of attention and give impressionable people unchristian ideas.

“Snowmobiling will be absolutely fine, unless it turns out to mean something else in gay slang. Mixed figure skating will require couples to actually perform a sexual act to make sure they bat for the right team. We’re not sure about curling. Uphill skiing will be completely out of the question.”

One volunteer told us “It’s all got a bit complicated this year.”

The Nigerian and Ugandan Governments have vowed to impose similar restrictions should they be selected for any future winter Olympics.

Comments

  1. Great site…glad I stumbled across it…good satire is often more informative than the actual news…and this is good satire.

  2. This whole so called sporting event should be boycotted and moved to a country that does not promote hatred and bigotry. Oh please, “gay people must leave children alone”, no the USA and every other cunting country should leave Putin & the backward USSR alone to fester in their discrimination.

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