Old people piss their pensions up the wall

Old people throughout Britain are already starting to piss their pension pots up the wall following Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne’s announcement that they no longer have to buy an annuity with their pension pots and are well within their rights to blow it in one night.

One pensioner we spoke to told us that he was fully in agreement with the new pension legislation.   “I haven’t worked all my life on a lame income just so I can use my pension pot to buy an annuity which will give me an even lamer income. Fuck off. I’m going to blow the whole lot on cocaine and call girls.”

Indeed, corner shop owner Bert Onions told us that he had already sold out of beer, Capstan navy cut cigarettes and lottery tickets. “One of my customers just spent his entire pension pot on scratch cards. He didn’t even have any coins left to scratch the numbers off and asked to borrow a coin off me. Obviously I said no.” he chuckled.

Labour leader Ed Miliband criticised the legislation arguing that the recently retired should not be left in charge of their own finances. “We warned George Osborne about reckless old people and their ‘live for today’ attitude. They have no concept of planning ahead. They just think any cash they get is beer money.”