Political parties compete to drive next bus into Portsmouth station

The political landscape is thought to have changed significantly and irreversibly today after UKIP leader Nigel Farage took a break from jingoistic knee-jerk ranting and instead arranged to have a bus driven into Portsmouth and Southsea railway station.

Speaking from the wreckage to his own press officers and a handful of Portsmouth locals Mr Farage explained “People have had enough of lame promises from politicians. You’ve all heard  our jingoistic rhetoric already so from now on we’re just going to be driving buses into things. Starting with Portsmouth and Southsea railway station.”

One passer by told us that Mr Farage’s bus crashing antics were like a breath of fresh air in a tired political system. “That Nigel, he’s one of us. Apart from being a rich former city broker. But he drinks in normal pubs, once all the locals have been thrown out. We’ve been waiting for someone to have enough honesty to take a large diesel powered passenger vehicle and drive it straight into the penultimate station on the Waterloo to Portsmouth harbour line.”

Prime Minister David Cameron has insisted it will take more than crashing a bus into a South Coast railway station to woo Middle England. “UKIP are a one trick pony. Knee jerk borderline racism is just one of a full portfolio of Conservative policies along with dismantling the NHS and arsing about with the education system. And we’ve just appointed a Minister for Portsmouth. If anyone can be trusted to drive a large bus into Portsmouth and Southsea station it should be us.”

It’s thought that the Green Party will not be providing a bus but may be looking to obtain a large pedal powered vehicle, or failing that a large number of unicycles  to drive into Portmouth and Southsea Station.