The Green Party are being denied a voice in forthcoming television debates preceding the general election in order to save energy according to the BBC, ITV, Sky and Channel 4.
A spokesman for all four channels told us “If we put them on the television, loads of people will watch it which will use more electricity and as a result a penguin will die. UKIP however will turn up half cut from spending the afternoon in the pub and in complete denial of climate change. Thus televising them will be absolutely safe for us, the north pole and the penguins.
“We’re quite happy to give the Greens a platform. But for their own sake it’s much better if we offer them a platform that doesn’t involve electricity, amplification or any sort of telecommunication. Now the moment they stop worrying about the planet, start drinking beer and being more homophobic and borderline racist then obviously it’s game on.”
David Cameron said that he was disappointed that the debates weren’t going to be just him in front of a microphone as he hoped but said the plan to completely ignore the green party was fair and measured. “Unfortunately they’re all going to make us feel guilty about things whilst the rest of us are competing to see who can be more Daily Mail and wind ourselves up into a jingoistic frenzy about fictitious problems allegedly brought about by immigration. Well I’ve bought a bag for life, so there’s no way I want them trying to make me buy another one.”
Rupert Murdoch who has had a say in the line up told us “If I’m guilty of anything it’s caring too much.”
News Toad 
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