Chilcott “I did the Iraq report but the dog got it”


Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel.

Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ on the final page before deciding to call it a night. However it is thought that his patio door may have been left open, enabling the offending pooch to enter the house and begin eating it.

“It was all hand written and I didn’t have a copy. I was planning to get up first thing and take it to the photocopy shop round the corner to get a few copies made, all in proper binding and everything. In hindsight I wish I’d done the whole thing on computer. I think I can remember most of it though, so if I start writing again now I should have it done by just after the General election.”

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair said “Oh that’s absolutely awful news, Terrible. I was looking forward to seeing the results of the enquiry as much as everyone else. The fact that it was my pet dog that actually did the mauling makes me feel even worse. I have offered to help Sir John re-write the report from start to finish, In fact under the circumstances I should really offer to write the whole thing from start to finish.”

It’s not the first time such mishaps have occurred in the production of governmental reports.Lord Hutton’s famous report of 2003 was delayed several times after being left out the lawn and being accidentally destroyed by a lawn mower.

“Ultimately it was my lawn mower so the least I could do is to help him re-write it.” Mr Blair reminisced.

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