The Government are to move all disabled people and pensioners out of local authority owned bungalows and sell them to tall people, according to plans announced today.
Minister of State Housing and Planning, Brandon Lewis, said “Tall people. Little houses. It’s not pie in the sky, it’s common sense. If you let them just go on living in 2 or 3 storey houses they’ll be far too high up. We need them with their feet on the ground standing proudly in their tallness in front of little bungalows that we’ve just evicted some old people from.
“That way Passers by are going to think it’s Gulliver’s travels or at least that they’ve stumbled into one of those model villages without paying.”
Mr Lewis has promised that alternative housing would be found for most of the evicted pensioners, particularly the short ones.
“We’ll move all less statuesque old people into town houses and blocks of flats without lifts. It means it’ll look like Liliput when they’re standing outside them. And it’s a good excuse to get them all climbing stairs.”
A spokesman for the Department for Communities and Local Government has said that local authorities would have the power to veto an eviction if the occupiers agreed to be stretched on a rack.
“And it’s not even going to kick in until we’ve finished moving fat people into terraced houses with slim corridors” he explained.