Cameron warns “Wealthy Tory donors will take their tax evasion elsewhere”

Wealthy Tory donors and other assorted friends of the Prime Minister will take their tax evasion elsewhere and fail to contribute to the public coffers in a completely different country unless left alone to do whatever they like, David Cameron has warned today.

Speaking at a packed press conference an incensed Mr Cameron said that he failed to see how rich people paying tax could possibly reduce the deficit.

“These people generate huge levels of income, albeit only for themselves, and if we don’t bow and fawn to their every whim then they will take that wealth to foreign climes where they will seek to avoid paying any tax there either.

“In any event, we can let them off a bit of tax evasion by financially battering those common people. Now to Guardian readers that might seem a little but unfair, until you look at the fact that there are lots of poor people and not many millionaires by comparison. So poor people actually have more money between them. Obviously they don’t really but we’ve started with the austerity measures now and if we finished too early we’d stop enjoying it.”

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne said “It’s all very easy for people to say stop the rich avoiding tax, but they don’t ever get glared at Bullingdon club reunions. No thank you, I’ve got my social life to consider. We’ll stick with austerity thank you very much.”