Empty chair tipped to win TV debates

empty chair

The Conservative plan to send an empty chair to the forthcoming political debates between seven parties is looking to have worked in their favour today, as already, several weeks before their commencement the chair is leading dramatically in the polls.

One member of the public told us that whilst he generally voted labour, he would be swayed by the possibility of a compromise between standing up all the time, and sitting directly on the floor.

“Everyone likes a chair. Rich, poor, it’s the one thing that unites us. You know where you are with a chair.

“And what’s more, it’ll be the only candidate that won’t be talking a sack load of old bollocks. Mind you the Conservatives will have to keep the chair on as leader. If the people find out they’re still going to be governed by that Bullingdon fois gras bloke it’ll cause a revolution, even if he does pretend he eats pasties.”

David Cameron, who has vowed to boycott the debates unless they can be held on a bouncy castle, in time to music in the heart of Islamic State controlled Syria, or alternatively underneath the sea, is thought to have performed a political master stroke.

“People wrongly think that I’m slipping out of this like an eel. I’ve made it quite clear that I would love to join in with the debates as long as they fulfil my criteria. And as long as all the candidates are dressed up as a different incarnation of Doctor Who.”

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