Britain to continue naming increasingly lame storms

Britain is to continue naming increasingly lame storms until such time that someone has to think up a name every time there is just some weather.

The news comes as Storm Barney approaches Britain’s East coast causing disruption to picnics and outdoor card games. The Met office have advised widespread school closures, once lessons have finished and everyone has gone home, and have warned the public not to go outside unless wearing some sort of jacket.

“Times change and people want American descriptions of weather. You can’t just say it’s a bit blustery out there. You have to say here comes 4 mph wind Michael, the weather just can’t decide what it’s doing Brian or It’s surprisingly clement for the type of year Jeremy.” A spokesman told us.

The moves to name all weather have not enjoyed widespread success. Former number one in the weather world, Michael Fish, told us that the Met Office were being short sighted and would very quickly run out of proper names.

“Then when we actually get a hurricane we’re going to have to make up a name an call it fuck stick, motorbike or even a symbol like the artist previously known as Prince. Or we could start giving them surnames as well like hurricane John Tompkins. It’s a minefield. I’m glad I’m out of it.” He explained.