A large company has today taken the edge of its employees’ anguish at working for the minimum wage at the most expensive time of year by making them wear Christmas hats.
In a memo to all employees a spokesman for the company’s senior management and directors said “We’re not giving you a pay rise or a Christmas bonus, as that might affect year on year growth. But as we’ll be giving ourselves both of these things, we’re going to make sure everyone celebrates. We’re going to fucking well make you jolly about it.
“Non-Christmas hat wearing employees will of course be subject to disciplinary action. Your selfish actions might damage the company’s brand and of course you’ll ruin Christmas for everyone.”
Indeed a press release from the company’s communications manager said “We have soooo much fun where we work! I think everyone will agree we’re just so much fun, and so special and so Christmassy!
“And we’d like to hear your special stories about how you wore a Christmas hat to work and it was all brilliant.”
One employee told us off the record that it hadn’t quite taken the edge off the abject misery at having to take a pay day loan out to cover the festive season. “My head itches a bit. But I’ve been told I can probably take it off on the 29th or 30th.” He explained.