Britain to return Isle of Wight to China

Britain is to return sovereignty of the Isle of Wight to China, marking the end of its long-term lease from the Asian economic giant.

Prime Minister David Cameron, who announced the return, set to happen later in the year, said “We had forgotten that it belonged to them. But the Chinese Government have handed us some paperwork which looks legit, and I’m sure I remember something about all this in history when I was at school. Either way, they can have it and I think we could all welcome the investment that China will bring. Well obviously we won’t get it because the Isle of Wight will be part of China. But the Isle of Wight people will benefit. Even if it means no minimum wage, more pollution and living under strict authoritarian rule.”

Council Leader Jonathan Bacon said that most IOW residents were aware of the eventual return of the island to Chinese rule.

“The locals have known this is on the cards. They thought they could stave it off by steadfastly refusing to leave the 1970s, but for all their efforts they couldn’t slow down the passage of time beyond the borders of their funny little island.” He explained.

Former Hong Kong Governor Chris Patten has been entrusted with the handover following his experience in the gradual handover of Hong Kong in the 1990s. “I’ll probably just chuck them the keys and let them get on with it this time.” He explained.