English Defence league to assist with English tuition for new immigrants

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The English Defence League is to offer free English tuition to all new immigrants in a new project designed to facilitate communication and ease racial tension.

The move comes as part of a wider drive by the organisation to explore new methods of promoting integration other than angry marches and throwing ham at mosques.

Former EDL leader Tommy Robinson said “It’s an attempt to avoid cultural isolation and segregation. This way we are in a sense defending England far better than shouting, pointing and drinking cheap cider.”

Mr Robinson was visiting a pilot scheme in Portsmouth where many local EDL members were already teaching new words to recently arrived immigrants and indeed learning some from the ones who could speak English better than them.

“It’s a pleasure to be able to impart to others my command of the English language. Today we are studying verbs. I goes, you goes, he goes, we goes. Even a dinlo could do it. Then we’re gane dane tane mush.” One volunteer told us.

The moves come as rival far right group Britain First have pledged to set up workshops to cover cookery skills for new arrivals. “The moment we find someone in our organisation that can cook we’ll be covering British favourites such as steak and kidney pudding and pizza. Then we’ll teach them Morris dancing.” Leader Paul Golding told us.

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has hailed the innovative thinking of both parties. “At the moment many of our immigrants are Europeans who can speak English anyway. Coming out of the EU will mean more immigrants who may not speak English at all. I might help with English lessons myself, though it sounds like the EDL have it covered.” He explained.

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