Children no longer have to go to school

Children no longer legally have to go to school following the victory of Isle of Wight father John Platt in the high court this morning.

Schools to become corporate owned conservative indoctrination camps

Many children will return to school after the Easter break to find their schools have been turned into Conservative party indoctrination camps, financed by corporations owned by hedge funds and run by some city type with the morals of a particularly cunty weasel. Education secretary Nicky Morgan said that the retraining and moral adjustment of […]

Schools to arrange pupils in height order

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has dismissed claims that the Government is planning to oblige Secondary schools to arrange pupils in height order, so each pupil can be taught in an environment where their classmates are roughly the same size. “Do I look like Michael Gove in a dress? We’re not changing anything. Nothing at all. […]

Students must adapt and eat grass

Students must offset their dire financial situation by altering their own physiology in order to gain sustenance from eating grass, according to new Government advice issued today. Newly appointed Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has pledged to create a lean mean education system with self sufficient students munching away on grass and hedgerows in lieu of […]