Ed Miliband “We’ll tax people who look a bit flash”

edwardo miliband

A Labour Government will be directing it’s attentions to people who “look a bit flash and give the impression of being minted” according to leader Ed Miliband.  In a policy that will be calculated on knee-jerk reactions to first impressions rather than actual income. It’s thought that a group of Daily Mail readers will be paid to point at passers by and make up their minds in a matter of seconds how much tax they should pay.

Seeking to clear up any misunderstanding over who would be paying the most tax under his administration Mr Miliband explained “We’re all stupidly rich ourselves so we don’t actually know what rich is for other people. For example I quite often spend £60k in a restaurant if you include wine, but I imagine it would probably be a huge annual salary for normal person whilst other people seem to think it’s not that much in the scheme of things, so we’ll just have to tax people for strutting around looking like they’re  Johnny Big Potatoes.”

One Daily Mail reader employed to judge people on how well off they look accepted that the policy may not be without its flaws.  “It’s much harder than it used to be. If all hard up people would just help us out by wearing a cloth cap and everyone doing OK walked around in a top hat we’d know who to target.”

Whilst the move has been popular with the man in the pub, it has been condemned by people who habitually boast of perceived affluence and feel they are being unfairly targeted. Professor Green of the National Association of Rappers told us “It’s an outrage. Every time a rapper mentions the fact that they have a big car, a nice watch or have just done a lucrative drug deal they’ll be forced to pay a one off payment to the public purse. I know of one rapper that had to stop his set over 300 times in one night in order to fill in the appropriate paperwork”

Shadow Business Secretary Chuka Ummunna has confirmed he will not at all be launching a leadership bid in the next few months.

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