Free schools force pupils to worship Michael Gove

The government’s free schools programme is simply a front for creating religious dogma and forcing pupils to worship Michael Gove, according to campaigners.

The National Secular Society said the growing influence of faith groups could undermine the integrity of Britain’s state schools, in particular when pupils are being taught that the world was created in 7 days by a 46 year old cabinet minister who then returned to earth in vaguely human form to change things in a non evidence based fashion.

Similarly the British Humanist Association warned that schools were using the right of  religious freedom to avoid any form of sex education, unless it specifically involved sex with Mr Gove himself.

An extension of the existing academies programme, free schools were introduced by the Coalition following the 2010 general election making it possible for parents, teachers, charities and businesses to set up their own schools.  Each free school is required to have a huge effigy of Michael Gove on the roof and a smaller one above every doorway. After that it’s up to the school to manage it’s own affairs. 

David Cameron has defended the free schools and has argued that the education system is in safe hands.  “We still feel Michael is by far the best candidate for the job of Education Secretary. And he was clear that he would only take the job if we made him at least a minor deity.”

One specially appointed free school teacher told us that us that most criticism of Gove worshiping Free Schools had come from ignorance.

“To you atheists we’re just random creatures making  fleeting appearance on this mortal coil whilst clinging to a rock orbiting a huge ball of fire. But not me. I’m floating along the astral plane high on  the spiritual love of Michael Gove. Praise him.”