David Cameron “It’s ok. I’m nice and warm”

Prime Minister David Cameron has reassured flood victims throughout the country with the simple message “It’s ok. I’m nice and warm.”

Having emerged from this evenings COBRA meeting Mr Cameron reassured a packed press conference “The flooding has been a tragedy for all those affected. But don’t let the thought of me being cold and wet add to your worries. I’m actually perfectly nice and warm and dry as a bone. The heating’s working inside the meeting room, there’s hot tea and snacks on tap, and we’ve all got warm socks on. When we finally wrap up for the night we’ve all got umbrellas and cars are booked to take us to our warm unflooded homes.”

The message of comfort to the nation comes as a Russian Sattelite is set to crash into some part of the world at some point this evening. Mr Cameron has assured concerned members of the public that the chances of anybody being hurt are slim. “It’s ok. I’ll be fine. I actually have a personal bunker for such eventualities. And it’s nice and warm with all mod cons, so do please cross that off your list of things to worry about.”