Tony Blair “We must stop warmongering religious fanatics except me”

Former Prime Minister Blair has warned western leaders that they must put aside their differences with Russia over Ukraine to focus on the threat of warmongering religious fanatics, except him.

In a speech Mr Blair, now a middle east envoy said:

“Alright, Putin invades Ukraine now and again and goes to church a bit, but it’s those proper googly eyed religious nutbags  that want to start a holy war in the name of a higher power that we want to worry about. Apart from me of course. I have a document here that says all warmongering religious fanatics except me have access to weapons of mass destruction apparently. Not me though. I just used to have access to weapons of mass destruction.”

Mr Blair told News Toad ahead of his speech that God would probably not mind him starting a new war but would not be very happy about anyone else doing it.

“God has told me to invade anywhere that would start a war in his name. It was ridiculous not intervening in Syria. We may have caused a war by not starting or getting into a war. What we need now is war.  After all we intervened in Iraq on my say so and that all went like a dream.

“Ultimately if we can all get involved in one big religious punch up then people will stop trying to place me under citizens arrest on British streets.” he explained.