Islamic state space hopper attack imminent

 

space hopper jihad

A covert attack on Britain from terrorist cell Islamic State is likely to involve the use of 1970s Space Hoppers, according to intelligence sources.

“Space Hoppers are such an intrinsic part of British culture that an entire army of jihadists could bounce into a city centre without people raising so much as an eye brow. Even I won’t take any notice of it. Even after giving you this advice.”

Bert Onions who owns the largest Space Hopper shop in Burgess Hill told us that he had been receiving some unusual enquiries in recent weeks. “One man came and asked me if I provided lessons in how to ride these things. When I naturally asked what he wanted lessons for he became cagey and eventually ran off. Another similar looking man asked me how to inflate a space hopper yet seemed disinterested when I explained how to deflate them again.” he explained.

Indeed a spokesman for the British Space Hopper Association told us “They’re ruining the whole thing for every body else. Many people like to bounce around on a space hopper at week-ends without any sort of jihadist agenda. And now we’re going to be tarred with the same brush.”

However the association has not been without it’s critics. Richard Littlejohn of the Daily Mail argued “It’s up to the space Hopper Association to publicly denounce these activities and get its own house in order.”

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