Theresa May’s Government are planning to escape to a privately owned tropical island following a hard Brexit according to Conservative party insiders.
Hitting back at claims that the Government might be overseeing a shambolic Tory Brexit, Ms May said “The people have spoken. They want their Cuntry back. And we must deliver. And then we must fuck off with great haste before they realise what they’ve actually voted for. None of us are short of a bob or two so we’ve bought a private island between us.”
It’s thought that following the triggering of article 50, early in 2017 the entire cabinet and many backbench Tory MPs plan to alight Sir Philip Green’s luxury yacht especially chartered for the trip to Gucci Island.
Former Work and pensions’s Secretary and hardcore Brexiteer Iain Duncan Smith said
“We need to get out of Europe as quickly as possible. We’d still have to pay to stay in the single market so we need to be out of that as well. And then we need to stop all immigration, particularly Doctors, scientists and professionals. Now so called experts might say this is a bad idea. So I’m moving to a private island to live a life of luxury as soon as it happens. I will of course take a keen interest how the nation fares, and will watch the fate of impoverished British residents through some sort of webcam whilst I’m sitting on the beach. I can’t wait.”