Every single economist and financial analyst ever has wished Britain the best of luck in it’s exit from the single market, but has ruled out sticking around to watch it happen.
A spokesman for credit rating agency Standard and Poors said “I’ve been warning against a clusterfuck of a recession for years and now its about to happen I’m leaving you all to it. I’m going to live in my rather large house in France, which I have through being astute with money and subsequently knowing and warning everyone about the dangers of leaving the single market.”
Chancellor of the Exchequer Phillip Hammond said “We are not only leaving the EU, but the single market. Even UKIP didn’t think we’d do something as stupid as that. But it’s OK. I’m quite rich. And my money is mainly invested in foreign currency.”
Indeed, TV money guru Martin Lewis has assured members of the public that they will most likely get through Brexit unscathed, as long as they are absolutely minted.
“Most economists and financial experts have lots of money stashed away, as have the people who persuaded you to vote leave, so we’ll all be alright. But unless you have a spare house or some overseas investments you’re a bit fucked to be honest.”
Former Work and Pensions Secretary and Brexit fetishist Iain Duncan Smith said that Britain would actually be better off without people who have any idea whatsoever about finances.
“I’ve never met an expert who was right about anything. The only people we can trust to run our economy are absolute pig shit thick fuckers who can’t add up, and every time they get their sums wrong blame it on a foreigner. Personally I’m so rich I don’t care.” He explained.
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