Chris Evans in hiding as Princess Beatrice vows to stab all famous gingers

Princess Beatrice is to stab and maim all famous gingers with a sword, starting with Chris Evans, the moment she has visited Ed Sheeran in hospital and finished the job she started according to Royal sources.

Neil Kinnock banned from voting in labour leadership

Former Labour leader Neil Kinnock has described reports of him being banned from voting in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest as “a storm in a teacup”. “I don’t even care.” He confirmed. Mr Kinnock is understood to have failed a series of increasingly stringent tests designed to weed out people who might be voting to […]

Labour despair as Ed Miliband takes vow of silence and sits in bucket

Senior Shadow cabinet members are said to be highly disappointed at yesterdays decision by Ed Miliband to completely stop speaking, both privately and publicly. A close family source said “It started over Sunday lunch when he refused to confirm or deny whether he would like another roast potato. Since then he has answered the phone […]