The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Commiserations and messages of sympathy have been coming in thick and fast from around the music industry today, following reports that Rapper B.o.B sadly fell off the edge of the earth in an attempt to prove to the scientific world that the earth was indeed flat, and that you could fall off it. “Obviously it’s […]
Britain First are set to fly out to Syria to preach Christian values and wave British flags about, following the success of their recent Christian patrol in Luton. Leader Paul Golding said that the trip would prove once and for all that his group was committed to defending British values of tolerance and equality, even […]
Prospective Republican candidate for the presidency Donald Trump has said that he would leave the country in the event that he became President of the USA. Also known as Donald Trumpety-Trump the famous tycoon who inherited his wealth told a press conference that his refusal to endorse gun controls, and his habit of blaming the […]
Scientists have warned today that a new strain of scurvy which may be resistant to oranges and lemons is on the rise. The vitamin industry has come under fire after repeated calls to invent new vitamins have been ignored. A spokesman for the British Medical Association said “We’ve been a little bit too reliant on […]
A vacuous celebrity has published a book that can stop you being fat and it is available at all good book shops. The book which follows hot on the heels of the success of another book, by another celebrity, who also wished to use their experience of being on a television show or something to […]
Newly discovered Planet 9 can fuck off back to its own solar system and stop enjoying a free orbit around our sun according to right wing astronomers. “I’ve just taught my kids the solar system, dutifully missing out Pluto now that isn’t a planet any more. I thought I was doing the right thing. And […]
A heterosexual couple have today demanded that they be in some way marginalised from society despite being white, heterosexual and middle class, and have demanded exactly the same rights as gay people had before they were allowed to get married. Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld spoke of their fury at being categorically denied access to […]
One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]
Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]
Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and actress-model Jerry Hall are to have an extended honeymoon in Milton Keynes following their recently announced wedding, planned for later on in the year. One News Corp insider said “They’ve been to every posh restaurant and stayed in every 6 star hotel on the planet. They shit opulence. I think […]
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