The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Former Smiths front man Morrissey has silenced critics today by offering himself up as cuisine for anyone that eats meat so as to hopefully offer a nutritious alternative to meat and thus save the life of a cow, lamb or otter. “It means I can encourage people to be herbivorous and musically whinge about being […]
The organisers of Reading festival have today defended their decision to replace either Blink 182 or the Arctic Monkeys with former 1970s Glam Rock superstar Gary Glitter. The surprise line up change will be Glitter’s first major concert since the 1990s and will play to a crowd who have been largely deprived of old favourites […]
Progressive rock fans throughout the country have aired their disappointment today at news that front man Fish aka Derek Dick is planning to leave 1980s progressive rock band Marillion. Bass player Pete Trewavas told us the decision was regrettable but quite mutual. “He’s written some great lyrics, many learnt verbatum by men who find it […]
Wide eyed but dull managery types throughout the country have filled wine bars, chain coffee shops and hotel lobbies today to excitedly discuss the fact that one huge faceless corporation has taken over another. One be-suited middle managery person told us “I lost most of my real friends years ago when I started endlessly talking […]
Prime Minister David Cameron is likely to very nearly, almost, verging on it but then again not quite, criticise the government of Israel later on today according to political sources. Following the dramatic exit of Baroness Warsi from the cabinet it’s thought that the Premier will finally bite the bullet and mumble something incoherently into […]
American scientists have hailed a breakthrough in medical science with a drug that finally cures atheism. The drug named Omniprezole is said to be so effective that it is to be made available immediately without any further clinical trials. Politician and pro-omniprezole campaigner Sarah Palin told us “It’s a nightmare trying to start wars and […]
Residents of the Isle of Wight are making preparations for what may well be the world’s largest all night rave, which is set to be held over the August bank holiday week-end. DJ Paul Oakenfold told us “People are finding Ibiza too expensive so we need a home grown holiday venue where young people can […]
Labour’s plans to lift poor people above the breadline by working towards a living wage for all have been slammed by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne as bad for the economy and unconducive to growth Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ Mr Osborne explained “It’s all very well someone going out […]
Fox News Anchorman Sean Hannity has today caused further controversy by blaming the human race for any future attack by aliens. “Any invasion is likely to be by aliens that already inhabit a number of different planets and have a far superior arsenal of weapons. And should we be attacked by an alien race wishing […]
The European Union has banned the sale of Laughing Cow cheese to Russia as part of a range of tough new sanctions aimed at making Russian President Vladimir Putin think twice about his megalomania. Known as La Vache Qui Rit in France, La vaca que rie in Spain, and up until now at least Весёлая Бурёнка (Vessiolaia Bourionka) […]
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