The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and former model Jerry Hall are reported to be consummating their marriage at this exact moment according to sources close to the pair. Reports that neither have been seen live on any internet footage for a matter of minutes in the aftermath of their earlier nuptials have led to widespread speculation […]
The Government are to move all disabled people and pensioners out of local authority owned bungalows and sell them to tall people, according to plans announced today.
Glastonbury festival is thought to be under threat today following news that McCarthy and Stone have received planning permission to build a retirement complex just yards from where the main stage would normally be situated. Land owner Michael Eavis said “I was initially against the idea but then it occurred to me that I’ve had […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has refused to confirm or deny that either he or a member of his close family scooped a lottery jackpot of almost £30 million yesterday. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne denied that the win would change him. “It’s not that much really. And anyway it’s not […]
Despite the fact that the shops are shut for a day on Friday there are still a few more days to run around panic buying shit according to retailers. A spokesman for the National Association of Generic Shopping Centres said “If you ran around yesterday buying ill thought out presents and you’ve woken up this […]
A large company has today taken the edge of its employees’ anguish at working for the minimum wage at the most expensive time of year by making them wear Christmas hats. In a memo to all employees a spokesman for the company’s senior management and directors said “We’re not giving you a pay rise or […]
Black-cab drivers are to be forced to forget the knowledge and instead use either a sat-nav or just drive around in circles like a twat hoping to finally stumble on their destination, according to new legislation announced by the Government. David Cameron warned that climbing into a taxi whose driver had some sort of fucking […]
A spokesman for Lakeside shopping centre has confirmed that Sisters of Mercy will be playing live in the shopping centre throughout Black Friday in what will be one of their longest shows ever and free of charge to all bargain hunters. “It’s always manic in here on Black Friday, but with an ageing Andrew Eldritch […]
The owner of a speciality ham shop in Oxfordshire has defended his recent decision to refuse to serve all Muslims until such time as they take responsibility for events instigated in a different country by people they had no connection to. Dave England, proprietor of “Out of Hams way” in Bicester village, said “I can’t […]
Volkswagen have been forced to admit that rather than using petrol or diesel their cars in fact run off the tears of dying baby seals, torn from their natural habitat by its ecological destruction, again caused by Volkswagen cars. The firm’s board will talk to regulators about the consequences of its discovery, the firm said […]
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