The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Some sort of shit, bland, formulaic, lowest common denominator, factory produced nonsense made for the entertainment of dull people who don’t really understand music has been tipped by the smart money to win tonight’s Brit awards. The Awards which are being broadcast live, today or tomorrow, or possibly yesterday are seen as the British answer […]
Sir Malcolm Rifkind has spoken today of his fury that Police questioning him in his alleged involvement in the latest cash for questions scandal, have refused to pay for any questions they have asked him or he has asked them. “Just because they’re police and I may be guilty of a criminal offence, it doesn’t […]
A spokesman for the UK Independence Party has confirmed that if voted in at the next general election, a UKIP Government using its existing points system would be forced to have an open door for all foreigners if they were gay. “We don’t want anyone foreign or gay in Britain obviously but if an immigrant […]
The Daily Telegraph has urged readers to go on and have a Pot Noodle as from an impartial point of view it’s fun and it’s convenient whilst still being highly nutritional and a tasty snack. Speaking from an objective editorial point of view in its Sunday edition, a spokesman for the ailing broadsheet explained that […]
Chelsea football club are to require all fans to attend equality workshops of the type usually arranged for public sector workers and run by someone called Ros according to a statement released today. The newly appointed Director of PC also called Ros told us “We’d like football to be a pillar of political correctness starting […]
David Cameron has confirmed that senior Tories, cabinet ministers and party donors are not at all shitting it over today’s raids on the Geneva subsidiary of HSBC bank. “You can rest assured that neither this nor any future raids are going to turn up any sort of impropriety whatsoever. And if anyone we know just […]
Tax evading tycoon Paul Bloomfield is said to be having a wank in a big pile of money this morning at news that HMRC are unable to sting him for a penny of his £60 million plus fortune. Speaking candidly via his diamond encrustred cellphone and giving an explanation peppered with intermittent groaning the contribution […]
German Chancellor Angela Merkel is said to be incensed today following reports that the entire Greek islands have disappeared over night without leaving a forwarding address. According to neighbours Turkey, some rustling and “shhh” sounds were heard from across across the border, smattered with occasional giggling, but reports on when the country actually disappeared vary. […]
Police are advising motorists to avoid the M40, M42 and M5 at all costs with reports that the M6 toll road is at a complete stand still with gridlocked traffic for 40 miles in each direction, following today’s introduction of customer care satisfaction forms. The M6 toll road is the only autobahn style road in […]
East 17 lied about everyone being in the house of love and even made a song about it in a cynical attempt to cover their tracks according to new evidence released either yesterday or today. One tearful fan told us that he felt not so much angry but disappointed with the 1990s foursome who later […]
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