Pub beer gardens to ban farting

Farting is set to be banned in pub beer gardens following a report released today by the Royal Society for Public Health who said that the practise should be seen as “abnormal” and more controls are needed to cover areas where people gather. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said that regrettably despite Government intervention, people were […]

New 8 pint limit for pensioners

Old people should try and keep their drinking down to around the 8 pint a night mark or risk health difficulties when they’re even older, according to research published this morning. Dr Graeme Wilson, from Newcastle University’s Institute of Health and Society, said: “These people are made from tough stuff, they hail from an age […]

Mugabe wins Zimbabwean Presidency, X-Factor and meat raffle

Unofficial election results from Zimbabwe today indicate that Robert Mugabe has yet again secured the country’s presidency, as well as winning X-Factor, Zimbabwe’s Got Talent and landing himself a nice rib of beef in his local pub’s weekly meat raffle. Though official results are yet to be published it appears that they will also confirm […]

Marks and Spencer to employ crack team of underpant salesmen

Marks and Spencer are set to change their sales approach to reverse declining sales by recruiting a crack team of  underpant salesmen. In a move that has seen the high street store poaching staff from used car showrooms, mobile phone shops and double glazing companies the new role is set to see top performers earning […]