The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The new television adaptation of Hilary Mantel’s Wolf of Wolf Hall is nothing short of a fucking triumph according to some very important and clever people indeed. With performances described as “marvellously humane”, “smoothly acidic”, and “not shit”, journalists were this morning falling over each other to express their admiration of it’s sheer absolute fucking […]
The recreational use of Marijuana is to be legalised in Wales as of this summer, according to a spokesman for the Welsh assembly following recent revelations that it does in fact have the authority to pass such legislation. “The USA have done it in some states and not others, and to our knowledge the world […]
Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ […]
Peter Mandelson is still sliding under doors and appearing at meetings throughout the houses of parliament whether he has been invited to them or not according to parliamentary insiders. One Lib Dem MP said “Is he actually labour? He seems to have been at all the coalition meetings, generally smiling in a slightly unnerving fashion. […]
Gary Glitter has reassured fans that the whole thing is a big misunderstanding and he’ll be back and touring in a shake of a lamb’s tail. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference the singer told fans “These charges along with all the other ones and the ones in Vietnam and some others that might […]
The cast and crew of BBC1 soap opera Eastenders are remaining tight lipped tonight as filming ended for the final ever episode. The plot, which staff are contractually obliged not to reveal, sees the ending of a series that will have spanned 30 years by the time it is seen on television towards the end […]
David Cameron has confirmed today that he will not be attending any televised pre-election debates unless famous glove puppet Sooty is included. Mr Cameron has said all “national parties and Sooty” must be represented at the live debates – which were first introduced for the 2010 general election. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s politcal chat show […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be shocked, outraged and appalled following revelations that British chocolate maker Cadbury have chosen to make their popular creme eggs to a strict halal recipe. Speaking to a packed press conference Mr Farage said “Quite frankly I’m shocked, outraged and appalled. I used to love a creme egg […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has called for more episodes of ‘Only Fools and Horses’ to be shown in place of any live television debates ahead of this year’s general election. The Prime Minister warned that unless the slots earmarked for the debates were filled with a tried and tested 1980s sitcom starring David Jason, mob […]
Russia have banned topless men from riding horses in a way that shows off their man boobs as part of new legislation that is not actually homophobic but instead designed to maximise road safety. A spokesman for the Ministry of transport who have also banned the 1970s band the Village People from riding motorbikes explained […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.