Fears mount of Sting releasing another anti-cold war song

In Europe and America there’s a growing feeling of hysteria or so the song went. And fears are mounting today that amidst the worsening crisis in Ukraine and sabre rattling from Russian President Vladimir Putin, former Police front man Sting may be likely to release another anti-cold war song. A source close to Sting told […]

Putin promises to keep invasions down to a minimum

President of Russia Vladimir Putin has today promised that he will keep all invasions down to a minimum. Mr Putin has blamed foreign interference for him choosing to invade foreign countries but promised despite this he will be exercising restraint and will not be invading somewhere every day. “We will start every morning by asking […]

UKIP change name to UKUNT

United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Farage has today announced a renaming of his party to “United Kingdom Under Neath the Tweed” or UKUNT until September’s referendum on Scottish independence with a possible view of changing it back again in the event of a “no” vote. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s weekday political show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ […]

Attractive women with large breasts to quit independent Scotland

Alex Salmond has suffered his biggest blow so far in his campaign for the yes vote in the ‘Should Scotland be an independent country?’ with this morning’s news that all attractive large breasted women will leave Scotland en masse. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference, Prime Minister David Cameron explained “I am told by […]

Egyptian Army invent a cure for everything

The Egyptian Government have today confirmed that it’s military have achieved a scientific breakthrough in finding a cure for absolutely everything. The claims that in no way have anything to do with the upcoming Presidential elections have been hailed by army’s chief Field Marshal Abdul Fattah al-Sisi as the greatest breakthrough in modern human history, which […]

Some bird wears some dress to some event or other

The celebrity and fashion world have been rocked to their core today as it has transpired that some bird wore some dress to some event or other at some point in the last few days. The lady in question, who likes to sing some songs, wore a dress made from some different materials stitched in […]

Independent Scotland will still be run by rich people who look like horses

David Cameron has warned the people of Scotland that even if they achieve independence from the United Kingdom then they’ll still ultimately be run by rich people who look like horses. Speaking from outside his travelling cabinet meeting now situated in Aberdeen, the Prime Minister warned “They own most of the land, most of the […]

Tax dodging Moyles pretends to be a car

One time Radio One DJ Chris Moyles has attempted to avoid over £1 million in tax by pretending to be a 09 plate Ford Focus according to a Customs and Excise tribunal. Moyles attempted to use a tax avoidance scheme called Working Wheels, which involved him telling HM Revenue & Customs he had spent a […]

Russia to use Olympic snow to make giant gay snowman

Russia has confirmed that it will not be breaking with Olympic tradition and will be marking the end of the Winter Olympics at Sochi by using all the snow to make a giant gay snowman. Russian President Vlamir Putin explained that the snowman would be bigger that the 150 foot gay snowman built at the […]

Blair ‘lent Brooks his lucky pants’

Tony Blair gave his special ‘lucky pants’ to newspaper executive Rebekah Brooks to try and swing the odds in her favour just days before her arrest in connection with the phone hacking scandal, a court has heard. In an email to James Murdoch, the then News International executive chairman Brooks recounted the key points of […]