The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Britain’s poorest families have today received a welcome boost to their spirits amidst benefit cuts and food banks at breaking point, as the new Sunday Times rich list published today shows that there’s actually enough money for everybody. Surely it has been argued, none of them would want to keep such an obscene amount of […]
Several million retail workers have sent a united message to their non week-end working counterparts, “Fuck you and fuck your bank holiday weekend.” Speaking from behind the counter at a well known chain store and sporting a badge saying “Ask me about some shit or other” a spokesman told us: “The simple fact that many […]
Commuters in London are all said to be upbeat today having coped with the first day of a two day tube strike by having a proper cockney sing song to lift their spirits. The strike is in protest at measures announced by London Mayor Boris Johnson dispensing with the process where in order to commence […]
The City of London have spent this afternoon riding around on horses shooting guns in the air and drunkenly whooping at the news that Barclays bank shareholders have voted today to increase their spending on remuneration packages which include higher bonuses for staff despite a 30% drop in profits. One trader in a slightly contrived […]
Former City Minister Lord Myners has said he is still confident he can persuade members of the Co-operative Group to vote for the troubled company to try not to be quite so shit, despite quitting the board due to growing opposition to his plans. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political show ‘Afternoon bollocks’ Lord Myners explained “I […]
Supermarket chain Morrisons have come under fire today after suspicions from customers that their much advertised ‘Market Street’ actually isn’t one. One frustrated would be market trader told us “It’s infuriating. I’ve been turning up with a van load of bananas at 4am every morning for the last 8 years. You would have thought they’d […]
The new owners of South Parade Pier, who have asked to remain anonymous, have ruled out the possibility of an imminent, accidental fire leaving it irreparable but covered by insurance. A spokesman for the new mystery owner issues the following statement. “It is out of the question that the pier, which is said to require £3 […]
Tony Blair gave his special ‘lucky pants’ to newspaper executive Rebekah Brooks to try and swing the odds in her favour just days before her arrest in connection with the phone hacking scandal, a court has heard. In an email to James Murdoch, the then News International executive chairman Brooks recounted the key points of […]
The food industry is today facing another crisis as reports come in that the much loved ‘bear ham’ in the deli section of supermarkets may sadly contain little or no actual bear. Richard Lloyd, executive director of Which?, called for more effective use of resources and tougher penalties. “No one wants to see another incident […]
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