The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
A spokesman for the National Association of Dealers has warned that retail prices for recreational drugs could go up in the event of a yes vote. “Up until now, any time we want to bring a big bag of dirty rugs into the country we just stick them in the back of a Ford […]
An independent Scotland will most likely get half of the Queen according to legal experts. A spokesman for the palace told us “We’re all up for it but we’re not entirely sure about dividing up Royalty. It’s uncharted territory. Unless she’s very stretchy it would mean putting her on the border where negotiations would take […]
Electrical retail giant Currys have confirmed that as of tomorrow it will be selling a hand held device that can detect horse meat in processed foods and take-aways by merely pointing it at the foodstuff in question. Originally meant only for use by the Government’s new food crime unit, the battery powered instrument will be […]
Scientists have this morning confirmed that the most recent outbreak of conservatism may soon be under control. Dr Bertram Onions of GlaxoSmithKline told us that initial trials on members of parliament had proved promising and the drug was now ready to be administered to all MPs exhibiting symptoms of the debilitating condition. “We know sooner […]
The official end of summer this week has been hailed by convertible drivers throughout the country as it now means they can so something else at weekends other than endlessly drive their cars up and down the seafront. One driver told us that for him the move to autumn couldn’t have come sooner. “It’s shit. […]
The old adage of a butterfly flapping it’s wings can cause a tsunami the other side of the planet, or in this case a poonami as the much publicised new craze of shit bucket challenge has gone viral in recent weeks. Stories are coming in thick and fast from people are choosing not to avail […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to help Britain’s best Reiki healers to fly over to West Africa to help with the Ebola virus outbreak. “We haven’t tried connecting sufferers with their inner wholeness. As far as we can work out the World Health Organisation has no strategy for tackling the virus through intangible energy […]
GP’s are going to have to practice Reiki healing in order to deal with a rapidly increasing workload, according to Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt. Speaking to an audience of healthcare professionals, Mr Hunt explained “Doctors are always complaining about having to see so many patients but that’s because they’re not thinking outside the box. They’re […]
Former Smiths front man Morrissey has sent out a heartfelt plea to Britains pubs and restaurants to not ruin what would otherwise be a nice family lunch out, by overcooking all meat at their special fathers day Sunday carveries to the extent that people might just as well have stayed at home and cooked the […]
Drinkers in the beer garden at the Black Lion Pub in Hammersmith are said to be relieved and recovering at the news that the girl this afternoon shouting “Oh My God!” into her mobile phone loudly was actually overstating the importance of the situation she was discussing, to the extent that she may have in […]
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