The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Co-op bank chiefs have been urged to start taking drugs again following reports that their new policy of narcotic abstinence amongst senior management has caused them to fail a Bank of England stress test. A spokesman for the hapless financial institution told us that regrettably, mistakes had clearly been made. “We’re OK when the economy […]
Former fascist dictator of Italy Benito Mussolini has resigned as a UKIP parliamentary candidate following claims that he is dead, ineligible to vote in Britain and allegedly voiced extreme right wing views during his time as Prime Minister of Italy between 1922 and 1943. Lifetime UKIP leader Nigel Farage denied that the party was facing […]
A Labour Government would ruin every single thing according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Mr Cameron said “You name it they’d ruin it. Anything that’s good now wouldn’t be once they got their crappy socialist hands on it. Mark my words should they weasel their way back into […]
Campaigners are said to be delighted today as after 31 years of failing to show any remorse Paul McCartney has apologised for inflicting the song and video Pipes of Peace on an unsuspecting and largely trusting public. Whilst still largely unrepentant for the song’s original impact in the early 1980s the former Beatles front man […]
David Cameron has pledged to reduce the deficit at all costs even if it means hunting it down on horses with a huge pack of beagles. “We’ll have Christmas day off” he explained “and then on Boxing Day we’ll assemble en masse for a cheeky glass of sherry before riding around the countryside blowing horns […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has blamed foreigners for ruining the British institution of Christmas as revelations emerge that the original Santa Claus or Father Christmas, St Nicholas, actually originated from the part of Asia now known as Turkey. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference an angry Mr Farage said “Flying on an unregistered foreign […]
A Government think tank has today predicted that people are going to start saying Jimmy Hill to each other again on occasions that they doubt the validity of what has just been described to them. The terminology which may be subject to regional variations such as saying itchy chin or Jimmy reckon is thought likely […]
Share prices for Premier foods have taken yet another hit this morning at news that the figurehead of one of it’s biggest brands Mr Kipling has been arrested under operation Yew tree. Drawing unsuspecting people in under the premise of “Exceedingly good cakes” the seemingly kindly face of mass produced mediocre pastries belied a more […]
A Conservative only Government will attempt to reduce the deficit by holding back funds previously earmarked for the Department of Half Heartedly Pretending to Give a Shit, according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Mr Osborne said “Do you realise how much it costs to tell people […]
A spokesman for the Connaught theatre in Worthing has confirmed that after being approached every year since 1979, iconic American comedian Bill Cosby has finally agreed to play the lead role of Aladdin in this years pantomime. One inside source at the theatre told us “He’s moderately funny yet also squeaky clean and that’s just […]
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