The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Education Secretary Michael Gove has today called for a thorough investigation into the running of 25 Birmingham schools amidst widespread accusations that they are now being run by cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species organized as an interconnected collective, the decisions of which are made by a hive mind linked by subspace radio. Mr Gove says he is “extremely […]
Following his appointment this morning after the shock resignation of Maria Miller, the former Financial Secretary to the Treasury Sajid Javid has been defending his position to critics who say he should resign amidst accusations of stealing from the treasury, lying to the press and strangling a cat. One parliamentary insider told us “The writings […]
Hi I’m David Cameron Prime Minister of United Kingdom and the Falkland Islands and I’ve got myself into a spot of bother. I’ve got a Culture Secretary who’s been up to all sorts of dodgy shenanigans and I’m not sure what to do about it. So I’ve decided to join forces with popular family publication […]
Britain must shut it’s borders indefinitely and let British people interbreed until they all grow at least one extra finger according to UKIP leader Nigel Farage. Speaking this evening during his debate on Europe with Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, Mr Farage told us “We need to shut the ports, close the airports and fester […]
Atheists are going to have to denounce their secularism and worship a log according to new legislation announced today by Minister for Faith and Communities, Baroness Warsi. Baroness Warsi has denounced atheist academic Richard Dawkins as a “secular fundamentalist”. “We’re going to stamp secular fundamentalism out. If you don’t believe in God, Allah, Buddah or […]
The Conservative party have now cemented their reputation as the Gangsta rap party as pupils from six schools from across the country were yesterday given the opportunity to interview a very blinged up Secretary of State for Education and the Member of Parliament for Surrey Heath Michael Gove. As part of the highly publicised BBC […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has today outlined measures to streamline the Full English breakfast by removing sausages. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne said “They’re quite unnecessary. In the eyes of the law, a Full English only has to contain eggs, bacon and one other item. After years of breakfast mismanagement […]
Absolutely everyone is scaremongering about everything according to SNP leader and First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, Mr Salmond explained “George Osborne, Ed Balls, Danny Alexander are all ruling out any shared currency agreements with an independent Scotland. They don’t mean it. They’re scaremongering. European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, […]
Former Happy Mondays and Black Grape dancer Bez will add a little bit of spice to Prime Minister’s question time by dancing through the entire parliamentary session whilst shaking a pair of Maracas, should he succeed in his bid to be elected independent Member of Parliament for Salford in 2015. Bez, real name Mark Berry […]
A Labour government will tax all bad people and give every single person a job according to new measures announced today by shadow chancellor Ed Balls. “Nobody likes bad people so it’s only fair that they contribute to a state orchestrated facade of full employment. We’ll be asking the public to demonise various stereotypes on […]
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