The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
A heterosexual couple have today demanded that they be in some way marginalised from society despite being white, heterosexual and middle class, and have demanded exactly the same rights as gay people had before they were allowed to get married. Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld spoke of their fury at being categorically denied access to […]
One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]
Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]
Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and actress-model Jerry Hall are to have an extended honeymoon in Milton Keynes following their recently announced wedding, planned for later on in the year. One News Corp insider said “They’ve been to every posh restaurant and stayed in every 6 star hotel on the planet. They shit opulence. I think […]
Pasty eating pint swilling Prime Minister, man of the people and common or garden bloke next door David Cameron, is now a huge Bowie fan, and will be lamenting the demise of the ground-breaking musician by listening to all his music for the first time. “It’s like part of my heart has been torn away” […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has refused to confirm or deny that either he or a member of his close family scooped a lottery jackpot of almost £30 million yesterday. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne denied that the win would change him. “It’s not that much really. And anyway it’s not […]
The economy is being torn to shreds by weasels with sharp and pointy teeth and can only be revived by far more stringent austerity measures, according to stark warnings issued today by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne. Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme Mr Osborne said “I know I said that I […]
Big Brother producers Endemol have confirmed that former childrens’ entertainer Sweep will be adding his name to the Glitterati who have already entered the Big Brother house. A spokesman for Endemol told us that the famous squeaky dog would be likely to enter the house tonight or tomorrow night or the night after that at […]
The Isle of Wight is set to be the latest nation to impose strict new border controls, as concern increases regarding immigration from the mainland. Council Leader Jonathan Bacon said “It makes sense for us to have border controls here. Otherwise Hampshire and Dorset locals are going to come over here in a swarm. If […]
Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off. One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop […]
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