Commonwealth Games end as Queen sends lions in

The commonwealth games has ended abruptly today with reports that the Queen has used her ancient yet rarely used power to release a pride of hungry lions into the stadium. The Commonwealth Games, previously called the ‘British Commonwealth Games’, before that the ‘Countries Britain has Invaded and Colonised Games’ and before that the ‘See if […]

Scottish referendum to be put back a year

The referendum on Scottish independence looks set to be put back a year to 2015 as both sides have argued that they have not had enough time to talk about it and discuss all the issues. Scotland’s First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond, explained “It’s scarcely been mentioned in the media and half of […]

David Cameron “UK will change it’s name to Scotland”

The United Kingdom will change it’s name to Scotland in the event of a win for the “yes to independence” vote, according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking from the other side of bullet proof glass and wearing flame retardant trousers, Mr Cameron told a packed Glasgow press conference “We’ll be calling England Scotland, Wales […]

Alex Salmond “Absolutely everyone is scaremongering”

Absolutely everyone is scaremongering about everything according to SNP leader and First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, Mr Salmond explained “George Osborne, Ed Balls, Danny Alexander are all ruling out any shared currency agreements with an independent Scotland.  They don’t mean it. They’re scaremongering. European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, […]

UKIP change name to UKUNT

United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Farage has today announced a renaming of his party to “United Kingdom Under Neath the Tweed” or UKUNT until September’s referendum on Scottish independence with a possible view of changing it back again in the event of a “no” vote. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s weekday political show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ […]

Attractive women with large breasts to quit independent Scotland

Alex Salmond has suffered his biggest blow so far in his campaign for the yes vote in the ‘Should Scotland be an independent country?’ with this morning’s news that all attractive large breasted women will leave Scotland en masse. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference, Prime Minister David Cameron explained “I am told by […]

Independent Scotland will still be run by rich people who look like horses

David Cameron has warned the people of Scotland that even if they achieve independence from the United Kingdom then they’ll still ultimately be run by rich people who look like horses. Speaking from outside his travelling cabinet meeting now situated in Aberdeen, the Prime Minister warned “They own most of the land, most of the […]

Nick Clegg to go into coalition with an independent Scotland

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has signalled that the Lib Dems may go into Coalition with an independent Scotland depending on the results of September’s referendum. “They’ll need our moderating influence, otherwise they’ll just be far too Scottish. They need us.” Mr Clegg has already ruffled feathers within the Lib Dems by not only changing […]

Alex Salmond Bagsies the pound

Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has written to David Cameron to formally bagsy the pound in the event of Scotland choosing independence from the United Kingdom. Issuing a brief statement Mr Cameron said “Earlier this week, we explained that a vote for independence would mean walking away from the pound. We hadn’t fully anticipated that […]

Independent Scotland to be a musical

A new Independent Scotland will operate as a musical according to SNP leader Alex Salmond’s white paper released today. Speaking to a packed Press Conference Mr Salmond explained  “I have a vision of a new Scotland, singing and dancing together from first thing in the morning to just before bed time. Obviously I will be […]