Cameron lodges complaint to himself about himself

David Cameron has demanded an immediate inquiry, headed by himself, to look into how he was allowed to make complaints to himself about himself. “Something’s got to be done about it” Mr Cameron reportedly told himself in a strongly worded letter. “It’s gone too far. It started off with a harmless game of cutting off […]

Ravers angrily deny doping claims

Ravers from the late eighties through to the late nineties have reacted furiously to accusations that they used illegal drugs in order to award themselves with the title of having had the “best night ever” The revelations have caused upset amongst non drug using ravers who spent night out after night out dancing away to […]

Did Jeremy Corbyn fart during Festival of Remembrance?

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has found himself at the centre of controversy today following rumours that he may or may not have passed wind at some point on Remembrance Sunday. A suitably enraged Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail wrote “Was this the reason that Pixie Lott and Rod Stewart started laughing during the service? […]

Was this a UFO spotted over London?

The Government have refused to comment today on reports that a UFO was spotted on a number of occasions by independent witnesses in different parts of London over the week-end. One witness Mike Diaper who had been taking an evening stroll through Blackheath told us “It was like a yellow light that shot up into […]

Coca Cola to sue Church over ownership of Christmas

A spokesman for Coca Cola has confirmed that the company’s lawyers have written to church leaders asking them to cease and desist from hijacking Christmas day for their own religious ends. “It’s about time these bible thumpers stopped hijacking our special day.It’s all very nice this away in a manger business but it’s hardly in […]

George Bush Senior “My son didn’t blow up enough of the middle east”

George Bush Senior, the 41st President of the United States, has lambasted his son in his new biography which complains that George W Bush Junior only spent a mere half to three quarters of his presidency bombing the absolute fuck out of the middle east. “If he’d just gotten himself out of bed and started […]

Neil Fox “not even a real fox”

DJ Neil Fox lied, misled and used his influential position to convince unsuspecting fans that he had a snout, sharp teeth, orange fur and a bushy tail a court heard today. Mr Fox, who uses the nicknames Dr Fox and Foxy became well known for presenting the chart show on Capital Radio where he would […]

Details of visitors to Conservative Party website to be stored for a year

Police and security services will be able to see the names of all visitors to the conservative party website for 12 months before their guilty little secret can finally be rubbed from the records, according to legislation passed today by Home Secretary Theresa May. One worried internet user told us “It’s an appalling invasion of […]

VW cars run off the tears of dying baby seals

Volkswagen have been forced to admit that rather than using petrol or diesel their cars in fact run off the tears of dying baby seals, torn from their natural habitat by its ecological destruction, again caused by Volkswagen cars. The firm’s board will talk to regulators about the consequences of its discovery, the firm said […]

Australia in social turmoil as lack of British knighthoods gives them nothing to aspire to

Australians throughout Australia are thought to have spent the day largely sitting around in their underpants drinking tinnies, following revelations that none of them are now going to be knights or dames even if they pull their fingers out and don’t spend the day sitting around in their underpants drinking tinnies. One Australian, who had […]