The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
2015 is likely to be the longest year on record according to experts. A combination of longer days and nights that stay the same length, along with several public events that are set to drag on incessantly will serve to make 2015 7% longer than 2014 in real terms. Whilst the extra length of 2015 […]
Some posh rich old money establishment type people have set the record straight today by confirming that the honour of Dame awarded to Fiona Woolf is not at all iffy and actually shows the ruling classes to be very in touch with the people. Very in touch indeed. Baroness Butler-Sloss told BBC Radio 4 that […]
The Times have awarded their esteemed title of Briton of the year to an overweight racist lady shopping in her pyjamas accompanied by a pit bull terrier. On hearing the news and finding out it wouldn’t affect her benefits Tracy Garlic from Buckland in Portsmouth was said to be absolutely delighted that the award had […]
The band One Direction may have joined Islamic extremist group ISIS according to unofficial reports released today. The band have been under suspicion for some time for their frequent air travel. A Home Office spokesman told us “People don’t usually travel straight to Syria. They usually dart around different countries first, sometimes only staying a […]
The Queen has used her Christmas day broadcast to highlight the importance of an alcohol fuelled punch up in sorting out personal differences in today’s society. Drunken fisticuffs she explained were a British institution that despite being used for hundreds of years to settle all manner of disagreements, was sadly dying out with pubs declining […]
In a rare statement God has gone on record to say he’s not that arsed about his birthday this year and really doesn’t want people to make a fuss. Speaking via the medium of vicars the supreme being explained “I don’t want anyone taking time off work on my account, I’d rather people just treated […]
Mandatory roadside drug tests to be introduced in London, Hampshire and greater Manchester have been criticised as a waste of public funds, following the revelation that the tests which take a sample of saliva, are ineffective if the user has recently eaten an onion. The onion which must be eaten raw and in its entirety […]
North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has been urged to use his new found power as make or break film critic to rid the world once and for all of Hugh Grant films. Whilst many have been disappointed that Sony films have withdrawn the film “The interview” after threats from Pyongyang the subsequent move from […]
UKIP membership can constitute a disability in certain circumstances according to a ruling today by EU’s highest court. The European Court of Justice was asked to consider the case of a rather bigoted English male and UKIP voter who says he was sacked on the ambiguous technicality of being an immense twat, having refused to […]
Jihadists in the afterlife have been left red faced after an administrative error left them with 72 Richard Bransons to have as their personal sexual playthings. One recently passed Jihadist told us “I must admit, I thought I was going to receive the attentions of 72 young inexperienced ladies as opposed to 72 bearded sixty […]
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