The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Cameron has warned the people of Scotland that even if they achieve independence from the United Kingdom then they’ll still ultimately be run by rich people who look like horses. Speaking from outside his travelling cabinet meeting now situated in Aberdeen, the Prime Minister warned “They own most of the land, most of the […]
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has signalled that the Lib Dems may go into Coalition with an independent Scotland depending on the results of September’s referendum. “They’ll need our moderating influence, otherwise they’ll just be far too Scottish. They need us.” Mr Clegg has already ruffled feathers within the Lib Dems by not only changing […]
Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has written to David Cameron to formally bagsy the pound in the event of Scotland choosing independence from the United Kingdom. Issuing a brief statement Mr Cameron said “Earlier this week, we explained that a vote for independence would mean walking away from the pound. We hadn’t fully anticipated that […]
An independent Scotland will be forced to accept Alex Salmond as a life long President who is likely to desperately cling to power by force until he reaches his mid eighties according to a statement from Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking whilst fending off missiles being thrown at him by Somerset locals, the Premier warned […]
A new Independent Scotland will operate as a musical according to SNP leader Alex Salmond’s white paper released today. Speaking to a packed Press Conference Mr Salmond explained “I have a vision of a new Scotland, singing and dancing together from first thing in the morning to just before bed time. Obviously I will be […]
An interview panel including David Cameron, Simon Cowell, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog has been sent up to grill representatives from a number of countries to assess their suitability to replace Scotland in a ‘new, fitter and leaner United Kingdom’. Mr Cameron told us “We want to look at a future partner’s GDP, their […]
The Prime Minister is said to be in good spirits this evening having just come out of an operation at St Mary’s hospital to have a UK built warship removed from his arse. The type 45 destroyer, manned by a large proportion of the population of Portsmouth is said to have left the Naval city […]
United Kingdom Indenial Party chief Nigel Fararage has been advised by aides that he must avoid going back to Scotland at all costs or risk being burnt to death in a giant wicker man along with a variety of livestock. Already herded into a pub for safe keeping in Edinburgh whilst the finishing touches were […]
By all accounts it’s less Scotland and more Sardineland, as the the shock results of the 2011 census have revealed that there is no longer a single square foot of Scottish land that doesn’t have a Scotsman standing on it. Anyone visiting Scotland and hoping to view lochs, mountains and heather will now sadly be […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.