The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
2015 is likely to be the longest year on record according to experts. A combination of longer days and nights that stay the same length, along with several public events that are set to drag on incessantly will serve to make 2015 7% longer than 2014 in real terms. Whilst the extra length of 2015 […]
Some posh rich old money establishment type people have set the record straight today by confirming that the honour of Dame awarded to Fiona Woolf is not at all iffy and actually shows the ruling classes to be very in touch with the people. Very in touch indeed. Baroness Butler-Sloss told BBC Radio 4 that […]
The band One Direction may have joined Islamic extremist group ISIS according to unofficial reports released today. The band have been under suspicion for some time for their frequent air travel. A Home Office spokesman told us “People don’t usually travel straight to Syria. They usually dart around different countries first, sometimes only staying a […]
In a rare statement God has gone on record to say he’s not that arsed about his birthday this year and really doesn’t want people to make a fuss. Speaking via the medium of vicars the supreme being explained “I don’t want anyone taking time off work on my account, I’d rather people just treated […]
North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has been urged to use his new found power as make or break film critic to rid the world once and for all of Hugh Grant films. Whilst many have been disappointed that Sony films have withdrawn the film “The interview” after threats from Pyongyang the subsequent move from […]
UKIP membership can constitute a disability in certain circumstances according to a ruling today by EU’s highest court. The European Court of Justice was asked to consider the case of a rather bigoted English male and UKIP voter who says he was sacked on the ambiguous technicality of being an immense twat, having refused to […]
Jihadists in the afterlife have been left red faced after an administrative error left them with 72 Richard Bransons to have as their personal sexual playthings. One recently passed Jihadist told us “I must admit, I thought I was going to receive the attentions of 72 young inexperienced ladies as opposed to 72 bearded sixty […]
Former fascist dictator of Italy Benito Mussolini has resigned as a UKIP parliamentary candidate following claims that he is dead, ineligible to vote in Britain and allegedly voiced extreme right wing views during his time as Prime Minister of Italy between 1922 and 1943. Lifetime UKIP leader Nigel Farage denied that the party was facing […]
David Cameron has pledged to reduce the deficit at all costs even if it means hunting it down on horses with a huge pack of beagles. “We’ll have Christmas day off” he explained “and then on Boxing Day we’ll assemble en masse for a cheeky glass of sherry before riding around the countryside blowing horns […]
A Government think tank has today predicted that people are going to start saying Jimmy Hill to each other again on occasions that they doubt the validity of what has just been described to them. The terminology which may be subject to regional variations such as saying itchy chin or Jimmy reckon is thought likely […]
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